This Common Language Etiquette Error By Tourists May Quietly Offend Locals In Mexico

If you ever took Spanish 101 (or just messed around on the Duolingo app), you probably learned the phrase, "¿Cómo estás?" Naturally, it's helpful and polite to know how to ask "How are you?" This is a way to connect with people in a Spanish-speaking country, and it's a handy follow-up to "Hola" (hello) or "Buenos días" (good day). Greetings help you break the ice, start conversations, and make new friends. So when people travel to Mexico, hoping to connect with residents, they often throw out a "¿Cómo estás?," feeling smug about their linguistic arsenal.

There's just one problem: "Cómo estás" is the "familiar" version of "How are you." This is the phrase you would reserve for buddies, family members, and children. If you've never been to Mexico before — and you're speaking to a stranger for the first time — "¿Cómo estás?" can sound overly friendly, condescending, or just plain rude. Most people expect you to say "¿Cómo está?"; and while that one "s" doesn't seem like a big deal to English-speakers, it makes a very big difference across the Spanish diaspora.

In short, the Spanish language has two forms of "you": There's "tú," which is used for people you know and are close with, and there's "usted," which you use for anyone else. Each of these comes with different conjugations, which means you say verbs differently. Misusing these pronouns and verbs is just one of the mistakes to avoid when visiting Mexico.

English speakers sometimes struggle with "usted," because we don't have an equivalent. Rather, we don't have one anymore; English used to have the words "thou," "thee," "thy," and "thine," which people used regularly as a sign of respect until about 1800. Many European languages retain two forms of "you," including Spanish. Basically, if you don't know someone extremely well, start with "usted." If that person eventually switches to "tú," then you have reached an important milestone and can switch over as well. Of course, it's best to let the native speaker decide.

Easy, right? Well, not exactly. For new students of the Spanish language, "usted" comes with its own challenge. Spanish speakers often drop their pronouns, which is why you say "¿Cómo está?" instead of "¿Cómo está usted?" That's all fine and good, except that verbs using "usted" are conjugated exactly the same as "él" and "ella," the Spanish words for "he," "she," and "it." So, the phrase "¿cómo está?" translates as "How are you?", but it could also translate as "How is he?", "How is she?", or "How is it?" The same goes for plurals: "Ustedes" means "all of you," or "you all," but "¿Cómo están?" ("How are all of you?") is the same as "How are they?"

Spanish is widely considered an "easy" language for English speakers to learn, thanks to its phonetic pronunciation and many shared words. However, the absence of pronouns makes context extremely important, and travelers often get confused about who is doing what. "Usted" can really throw people off, so if you want to use your language skills, you're wise to practice ahead of time. It'll be worth it.

Depending on how you look at it, there are actually four ways to say "you." If you're talking to a bunch of people you know well, you could say "vosotros." This pronoun is really only used in Spain, and it requires its own conjugation, so few Spanish teachers ever bother to explain it. Plus, how often do you speak directly to a crowd of friends, unless you're making a speech? Still, if you want to sound highfalutin, "vosotros" is a fun option, and you can add it to the essential words and phrases to know before your trip to Spain.

Then there's the weird outlier, "vos." This word is rarely spoken in Mexico, so you should be fine; but "vos" is routinely used instead of "tú" across Latin America, and in some countries it even replaces "usted." Most people across the Spanish diaspora are familiar with all forms, and they probably won't judge you for using "tú" or vos" in the wrong region. Still, you may start hearing one or the other in conversation. Nearly half a billion people speak Spanish worldwide, and the language has many regional dialects and country-specific words that foreigners can only try to keep up with.

One last note: In some countries, "usted" is the default form for anyone who isn't a lifelong friend or family member. Don't be upset if people keep calling you "usted" for days or months and never transition to "tú" or "vos." While you're looking to connect with local people, here are some underrated tourist destinations in Mexico to add to your bucket list.