The Unspoken Etiquette For An Unoccupied Middle Seat, According To A Flight Attendant

Airplanes make travel fast and convenient, but the whole experience of flying can sometimes be incredibly stressful. After fighting traffic to arrive at the airport on time, waiting in long lines at TSA, and navigating through busy terminals in order to reach your gate, if you're left feeling agitated –– you're certainly not alone.

These days, there's often no relief even when you're finally able to board. Flights are more crowded than ever, and legroom seems to decrease each year as airlines stuff in more rows of seats to increase profits. Smushing yourself into a tiny row with two strangers isn't most travelers' idea of a good time. As a former flight attendant, I empathize with your struggle. Long gone are the golden days of air travel. You may find yourself saying a prayer or crossing your fingers in the hopes that no one occupies the middle seat in your row, allowing for some much-needed breathing room.

If the middle seat remains empty once boarding is complete, it may be tempting to claim the space by shoving your personal items underneath the middle seat and enjoy a few extra inches of space, but the person in the other occupied seat may have the same idea. During my flight attendant era, I watched this situation play out time and time again. You'd be amazed by how much flight attendants notice about you, especially during the boarding process.

So, who gets to lay claim on the middle-seat real estate when it's unoccupied? Whether you're sitting by the window or near the aisle, my answer is the same – the space should be shared or left vacant. The best thing you can do in this situation is communicate, use your best judgment, and abide by the unspoken rules of airplane etiquette.

As with any circumstance that requires going out in public, it's a good idea to turn on your situational awareness when you step foot on an airplane. It's tight quarters, and you'll be stuck on board without anywhere to go for an extended period of time, so you really should try to avoid ticking off your fellow passengers or making life difficult for the flight crew. 

When it comes to claiming the unoccupied middle seat, know that there is no official "rule." On an airplane, "first come, first serve" isn't a thing. You may have been the first person to sit down, or the first one to put your bag under the empty seat, but that space doesn't actually belong to you. The only space that is designated as yours is your physical seat and the space underneath the seat in front of you. Even the overhead bin space above your seat isn't guaranteed, and there are ongoing debates about who gets the middle seat armrests. Keep in mind that while you may hope to place your laptop on the seat during take-off, that won't be permitted. All items will still have to be safely stowed under the seat or in a seat back pocket until you reach cruise altitude. 

Some flight attendants might disagree, but in my opinion, there is no reason why the space can't be used to make your flight more comfortable –– as long as it doesn't violate any safety issues. Your best course of action is to simply talk to the person you're sharing a row with about divvying up the space. If you're super tall and you'd love some extra legroom, feel free to approach the topic in a friendly manner. You could say that you'd really love some space to spread out and ask them if they'd mind if you stowed your bag under the middle seat. You could suggest that they can use the seat and tray table in flight so that it's fair. Alternatively, you can each claim a section of the middle seat space. Simply divide it in half and arrange the under-seat space so that a portion of both of your items fit. Keep in mind that anything placed there will still have to fit all the way underneath the seat for safety reasons.

Once you're up in the air and flight attendants begin to come around with snacks and beverages, you can use the tray table in the middle for some extra room as well. Make sure that you touch base with your neighbor and let them know that they're welcome to use half for their snacks and drinks as well. It's best to place bags and items in the shared middle space, as opposed to stretching out and placing your body there. Of course, if you already have established a repertoire with your neighbor, and they're not using the space, you can always ask if they mind if you stretch out or lean over a bit to take a nice inflight nap.